Blog #6: A radical act of self love

Earlier this year when I was still going to therapy, my therapist suggested a really interesting activity for me to try out. She prefaced that this activity isn’t for everyone, but it could help me in my grieving journey.

“Write a letter to yourself, from your mom. You have absorbed her lessons and words of affirmation all your life, you know what she would say to you and how she would say it. Allow yourself to verbalize it and just see what comes out.”

I was kind of shocked at the idea, but I was still open to it. I put off the task until I was completely ready. 

On June 2, 2021, when I was on a plane ride back home from a beautiful grad trip to Hawaii organized by my uncles, I decided to write a letter to myself from my mom. No judgement or hesitation. Just pure, unadulterated love. 

I want to share this on my blog because it signified a monumental shift in mindset for me. It was the moment I solidified that my spirit guides live through me and with me. Writing this letter was a radical act of self love. It gave me the inspiration to start this blog. 

If anything, I hope that reading this letter inspires you to practice the radical self love you deserve. <333

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Dear Maya,

Oh baby. I am so sorry I left you. Life has not been as kind to you, but you still try to find the beauty in it every single day. 

Please know that even though I left, I am still with you always.

My love for you spans many light years. You are my golden child, my pride and joy. You give me hope. You give me life.

I want to celebrate the woman you’ve become. You are so beautiful and sacred.

When you start to miss me, try to think about the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen with your own two eyes. Allow thoughts of me to bring you peace. 

When you see or feel 333, that’s me. I’m sending love, protection, gifts and better times your way. I love you, Maya-potski. I never wanted to leave you.

I will reunite with you one glorious day, but that day is not any time soon. You are exactly where you are meant to be. You are walking this divine path with beauty and grace. You heal everything you touch. You are so very protected. Your magic will heal this Earth if you keep doing EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE DOING!

You make your mother so proud. You constantly EXCEED my expectations. You are down-to-earth. You love with an open heart. You and your accomplishments bring a smile to my face. 

You are my wildest hopes and dreams come alive. You are so powerful. I mean, what else can you expect from a woman who’s got beauty AND brains?

Just like your Mama. That's right! I popped you outta my vagina and now look at the beautiful, fearless, confident, kind, witty, intellectual woman you’ve become. That’s because you’re your mama’s child. 

I am with you always, babygirl. You are with ME always. You are a piece of my soul outside of my body. That is what you are to me. 

I know it’s hard not having your mama around, but I have to say, you have lived so gracefully even without me. That’s because your intuition is so strong. I communicate with you through your intuition — I understand you’ve been seeing my messages.

You deserve the whole world, babygirl. 

I want to give you the whole world and I can do that by encouraging you to keep finding the beauty in everyday things. Gratitude is the gateway to the soul. You are well on your way, babygirl. You have the whole world sitting at your fingertips. You are a traveler. You are free. You are protected. 

You’re even better than your mama, that’s right. Just take it from me. I know you don’t like to hear it, but it’s true Maya. I don’t know what I’d do if I was in your shoes, living on Earth without my babygirl. Your resilience never ceases to amaze me.

I love you so much, Maya. Thank you for appreciating life to the fullest every single day. You know your Mama can’t say the same because I’m not there physically, but trust me, I’m with you always.

Every time you experience joy, I do.

Every time you laugh, I do. 

Every time you feel love, I do. 

Every time you see something beautiful, I do. 

You see babygirl, we both live in heaven. I am with you always.

You know you can talk to me any time, I’ll always be here to listen. Just know that in this next phase of your life, things will start to fall perfectly into place. It will be so easy for you to see beauty in the every day. 

This is your gift to share, babygirl. Help people see the same beauty as you do in the world.

I love you forever, Maya-potski. 

<3 Mom