Blog #18: Dysfunctionette's Adventures
Last week, the Ethereal Environmentalist reached over 100 followers (WOOHOO)!
While I don’t consider instagram followers as an accurate representation of my reach, it was affirming to see that more and more people have been taking note of this space and joining our little community. <3
Reflecting on that milestone made me think about how I arrived at this blog in the first place. 18 entries in, and we’ve covered a number different topics that I never could’ve imagined myself publicly talking about a year ago. 18 entries in, and it’s clear how this blog has healed me in more ways than one.
There were many signs that pointed towards me needing to start this blog in the past year, but I think the most impactful was the day I discovered my mom’s own blog.
It was my senior year of college at Zoom University and I was sitting idly in one of my classes, camera off and drifting slowly. Out of nowhere, I had this idea to “hack” into my mom’s email account to uncover some of her writing. Part of me was concerned about invading her privacy, but another part was screaming out that I was ready for this information.
I tried to log into her email account with every password that I could remember. First try -- nothing. Second try -- wrong again. Third try??? SUCCESS. I sat back in my chair, eyes wide open at the archive of my mom’s life sitting before me. 10+ years of her plans, her struggles, her triumphs, her advice, her VOICE. I cried tears of joy at the gold mine in front of me.
Out of respect for her privacy, I only searched emails with my name in the body. Somewhere along that hunt, I came across her blog website titled “Dysfunctionette’s Adventures.” A self-help blog intended for my mom to help herself through writing, yet chock-full of sage advice delivered in an authentic and humorous way to help her readers as well.
As the blog intro states: “Dysfunctionette is a woman who appears to have it all but recognizes all her flaws. She's confident, poised, polished and perfectly imperfect. A Dysfunctionette is someone who is aware of her dysfunctions but won't allow it to stop her from laughing, loving, living.” That’s my mama, a proud dysfunctionette. :)
If you’d like to read some of her writing, it’s sure to bring a smile to your face. My mom’s humor, ingenuity and relatability comes through so strongly. I would especially recommend checking out “Costco Compulsion” because it makes me laugh out loud every time I read it :’) Here’s the link: http://dysfunctionettesadventures.blogspot.com/ <333
I always knew my mom loved writing, so it was no surprise to discover that she had this creative outlet. I was surprised, however, by all the new things I learned about her through this unearthing process. I learned that she severely struggled with anxiety and abandonment. I learned about the meticulous planning and coordination that she organized for me and my sister’s every whereabout. I learned that she was committed to her spiritual practice, as much as it changed and evolved over the years. I learned the extent to which she was unhappy with some of the relationships in her life. I learned that we were more similar than I ever thought possible.
For the first time in my life, I saw all the parts of my mom that she hid from me throughout my childhood. Growing up, I only got to see “super-mom”: the rockstar single parent. In truth, my mom struggled a lot to raise two children on her own. She was haunted by her traumas. She had difficulties with self-esteem. She was constantly working towards a better version of herself. Most of all, she was human.
When I read my mom’s writing, I’m reminded of the importance of vulnerability and being true to myself. The greatest inspiration comes from what we already know deep in our heart. Sometimes my heart beats so loud that it won’t settle down until I get the words off my chest. That is something I’ve tried my best to capture in every EE post. I may not always have the answers to relieve my heavy emotions, but the sheer willingness to tread through the unknown is enough to keep me above water.
